Did you know It, the long-anticipated major studio adaptation of Stephen King’s most messed up novel, is being released this month? Of course you did, because those freaky trailers have been everywhere!

Did you know that Darren Aronofsky’s mother! is also being released and marks the director’s return to exquisite psychological horror? You sure do if you follow this blog, because I won’t shut up about it.

With those two films only, September 2017 is a good month for new horror movies. The same garden-variety, lamesauce horror films crop up (Temple, The Sound), but we’ve also got a few Netflix and indie horror movies that are worth a closer look (The Limehouse Golem, FlatlinersDon’t Sleep).

Enjoy!

September 1, 2017

Temple (Limited)

Three American tourists use a mysterious map to find an ancient temple deep in the jungles of Japan. Their adventure soon turns into a nightmare when malevolent spirits trap them inside.

Hurgggaaaahhhh another one of these?

Can we all agree to a moratorium on horror films where a bunch of white Americans go to an Asian country and encounter creepy ghost-children/bad spirits in a temple? It’s all so very boring at this point. Horror movies like this are freakin’ paint-by-numbers at this point. A concerned local who speaks enough English to warn you away from said haunted temple? Check. A creepy old/homeless person? Check.

The filmmakers couldn’t even spice things up by having a Japanese actor in the main trio.

COME ON.

Save yourself the price of renting this movie On Demand and skip this.

Jackals (Limited)

After the Powells hire a cult deprogrammer to take back their teenage son from a murderous cult, they find themselves under siege when the cultists surround their cabin, demanding the boy back.

Well, well, someone saw You’re Next and liked those animal masks so much he decided to write a whole movie about it, but with cults. Because that’s how originality works.

I don’t have anything else to say.

Little Evil (Netflix)

“Gary who has just married Samantha the woman of his dreams, discovers that her six-year-old son may be the Antichrist.”

Alright! A comedy-horror film that is self-aware and poking fun at the evil child trope! I dig it! I love satanic offspring movies as much as anyone, but I’m also well aware that it is a trope filmmakers are way too eager to lean on. I think this film has the potential to be a hilarious send up of the genre, as well as a homage of sorts.

I think this might be good. love Adam Scott, mostly because I’m a huge Parks and Recreation fan. I really enjoyed Tucker and Dale vs. Evil, and that same guy directed this movie. But that trailer wasn’t as funny as I would have liked. Guess I’ll just have to watch it and report back.

 

September 8, 2017

It

“When children begin to disappear in the town of Derry, Maine, neighborhood kids band together to square off against Pennywise, an evil clown whose history of murder and violence dates back for centuries.”

 

Who’s ready to have their sh*t f*cked up by this movie?!?! It’s so intense they couldn’t even wait for October to release it–they had to let it loose in early September to allow us time to recover for Halloween.

This was one of My Most Anticipated Horror Movies of 2017, and for obvious, fun, scary reasons. But I don’t know if I’m prepared. Mentally, emotionally, psychologically. I’m not sure if my adult self, who has  moved past the old 1990 version, can handle this. Especially when early reviews come out proclaiming that It is, “Totally terrifying, but also amazing fun” and “Scary as shit.”

But I’m so excited! It looks like a lot of creative effort and steady hands shaped this film. Please be good.

PLEASE BE GOOD.

The Limehouse Golem (Limited)

Victorian London is gripped with fear as a serial killer is on the loose and leaving cryptic messages written in the blood of his victims. With few leads and increasing public pressure, Scotland Yard assigns the case to Inspector Kildare, a seasoned detective who has a sneaking suspicion that he’s being set up to fail. Faced with a long list of suspects, Kildare must rely on help from a witness to stop the murders and bring the maniac to justice.

Why, hello there, Bill Nighy! I’ve missed you!

I love a good serial killer thriller, especially period pieces involving British detectives NOT named Holmes or Watson. I’m not quite convinced that this movie is a horror movie rather than a mystery with horror bits mixed it. Regardless, I really like the theme presented here, that passive witnesses of violence are equal contributors to the act. It’s a frightening thought and one that confronts me, a dedicated consumer of violent stories. This movie may not be true horror, but it could accomplish the same goal as the intelligent horror films I like so much.

 

September 15, 2017

mother!

A couple’s relationship is tested when uninvited guests arrive at their home, disrupting their tranquil existence. From filmmaker Darren Aronofsky (Black Swan, Requiem for a Dream), mother! stars Jennifer Lawrence, Javier Bardem, Ed Harris and Michelle Pfeiffer in this riveting psychological thriller about love, devotion and sacrifice.”

God, this trailer gives me the creeps. I don’t know what creeps me out the most—the age difference between Jennifer Lawrence and Javier Bardem (which seems to be a plot point), Michelle Pfeiffer’s insane bitch face, bleeding walls, cult-looking bullshit, or that. music.

I’m ready for this movie!

 

September 22, 2017

The House October Built 2 (Limited)

“Five friends are stalked by a group of mysterious and disturbed individuals while on a road trip looking for the ultimate haunted house attraction.”

Ok, so I haven’t seen the original The House October Built, but from all accounts, it was a halfway decent found footage film. (I know, I know—damning with faint praise.)

From what I’ve read about the first film, there were some interesting points raised (though not fully explored or developed) concerning ethical issues with the consumption of ultra-violent entertainment. I think this is a valid artistic pursuit and particularly nifty way to incorporate haunted houses into a movie.

Is it too much to hope that this film will be an improvement on the first? Or did the producers of the original make just enough money to justify a sequel? Will someone watch it and let me know? I’ll probably be too busy recovering from mother!

Friend Request

“A demonic presence starts to kill a college student’s (Alycia Debnam-Carey) confidants after she unfriends a mysterious girl online.”

Wow, talk about a Stage 5 Clinger!

Look, I know we’ve all read a ton of thinkpieces about how millennials are ruining human socializing and normal interaction by being on our phones all day, and how Facebook has made FOMO an actual thing, but this movie seems a bit much. It’s The Ring but with Facebook! Or something! Any nuance or depth that should be explored will not be found in this movie.

This movie might also take the cake for Stupidest Person in a Horror Movie (Teen Demographic). Why in the hell would anyone friend a creepy person with obvious mental issues who has no other Facebook friends? Does that girl also accept friend requests from every random dude as well? If so, how has she not been harassed before?

(One of the comments on the video said the sequel was going to be “Coming next Snapchat: Wrong Filter.” I nearly spat out my wine.)

 

September 29, 2017

Flatliners

Five medical students embark on a daring and dangerous experiment to gain insight into the mystery of what lies beyond the confines of life. The bold adventure begins when they trigger near-death experiences by stopping their hearts for short periods of time. As their trials become more perilous, each must confront the sins from their past while facing the paranormal consequences of journeying to the other side.

Aw yeah, another one of My Most Anticipated Horror movies of 2017 approaches!

This is maybe an unpopular opinion, but I’m glad this film is being remade. The first one was waaay too Joel Schumacher-y for its own good. Flatliners has a decent premise and deserves proper treatment without Kiefer Sutherland’s overacting turning the movie into a comedy (starts at 1:21).

Also, there are a lot of elements in the original that didn’t make sense. For example, why did a few of the original characters re-experience painful pasts involving people that were still alive? Or that they hadn’t even hurt themselves? Did they really access the afterlife or a subconscious part of their brains wracked with guilt? Like…that was kind of confusing. Maybe this version will address that guilt and how different people handle tragedy and remorse in different ways. The original really didn’t do that.

Don’t Sleep (Limited)

“Shawn and Zach, two young lovers, move into a cottage together. When violent episodes begin taking hold of Zach, he slowly remembers a forgotten time in his childhood that may have been the result of demonic possession.”

I haven’t heard too much about this film, but I’m interested. We hardly ever get a movie that focuses on the aftermath of a possession, or how that experience might affect a person’s whole life. For that alone, I’m rooting for this movie. It does look very low budget, but the acting doesn’t look as bad as you might think. Maybe this is a worthwhile low-budget horror movie?

The Sound (Limited)

“A supernatural skeptic (Rose McGowan) sets off to debunk paranormal sightings using low frequency sound-waves in an abandoned subway station and is met with unforeseen evil and eerie memories.”

This doesn’t look good though. Like, at all.

Like Temple above, I have seen this move before. Not necessarily with the specific plot points of a sound expert in an abandoned subway station, but a skeptic who stumbles upon vengeful ghosts? Groundbreaking! With a creepy, shady janitor/technician/homeless/secretly dead already old man? Shocking! And a psychiatric asylum thrown in? ORIGINAL. NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I SEEN THAT IN A HORROR MOVIE.

And oh man, Christopher Lloyd is in this! (Anyone remember The Pagemaster? I freaking loved that movie as a kid. The part with Dr. Jykll scared me half to death.)

This part of The Pagemaster is probably way scarier than The Sound.

Christopher Lloyd and Rose McGowan deserve better.

Gerald’s Game (Netflix)

“While trying to spice up their marriage in their remote lake house, Jessie must fight to survive when her husband dies unexpectedly, leaving her handcuffed to their bed frame.”

Netflix hasn’t yet released a trailer for this feature, but I’m including it because I’m actually kind of intrigued by this project. Stephen King adaptations are all over the map these days, what with the disappointing The Tower and the hopefully critically-hailed It. Gerald’s Game, based on one of Stephen King’s short stories, seems like perfect material for a film adaptation. I like the cast, which includes Carla Gugino, Bruce Greenwood, Henry Thomas, and Carel Struycken. At the very least, the acting should be good!

Netflix doesn’t always hit home runs, but they rarely deliver total bombs. I have a feeling this may be one to keep an eye out for, especially since you already spend enough time on Netflix. I know I do.

 

Any other September releases I missed? Any September releases you really want to see? Leave them in the comments!

 

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